#Sorry I haven't posted anything in a bit I'm running out of ideas 😭

[yourfandompersn]

All of my ponytown metalocalypse designs! Dethklok is pretty headcanon-heavy but it starts to even out into more canon territory past that. (Ignore that I don't have names for a couple of these I named them after I took the screenshots 😭)

Have a Happy New Year!

[vettelsvee]

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT | Sebastian Vettel

f1 masterlist | wattpad | ao3 | requests or let's talk!

sebastian vettel x platonic!photographer!reader

based on this request: Okay! So after watching the run Sebastian organized at Imola, I has the idea of reader being someone that works for him (not sure what for though) maybe getting really sick for running in the rain that day, which ends up with Sebastian feeling guilty over it. It’s a silly idea, really, but I think it has a lot of potential to vibes similar to what Sebastian seems to have with the drivers, kind of playing dad to the grid 🥺.

summary: you work as a photographer during the forever senna tribute seb prepared, but you end up being sick

word count: 1618

warnings: none of them really! seb feeling guilty because he thinks reader got sick because of him.

a/n: I'm finally back! sorry for not posting at all during all this past month, university has had me really stressed but I'm finally free from it until september! idk if this is actually something well written because i haven't written anything for a month! also, hope you anon like this even it's definitely crap 😭

© VETTELSVEE (2024). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!

The rain kept falling on the circuit, but that wasn't such an excuse for Sebastian and his team to cancel what they had been working on for months.

The run that the retired driver had decided to organize on Thursday not only with Formula 1 drivers, but also with those from Formula 2 and 3, and even other members of the sport, in honor of Ayrton Senna and Roland Ratzenberger, was more than perfect. It was an absolute success. And Sunday, when Vettel would drive the car that once belonged to the Brazilian pilot who died 30 years ago on that same circuit, hadn't even arrived yet.

You had been busy taking photos of everything, as you were Sebastian's official photographer. Now, you were gathering all the equipment you had used because the cold you were enduring was barely bearable. You had been out in the rain all day, following Seb wherever he went, which had made you feel increasingly worse. Now, your hands couldn't stop shaking, and you felt like you were about to faint at any moment.

"Y/N, are you okay?" one of the team members asked.

"Yes, of course," you replied with a weak smile. "I'm just a bit cold. I'll be back to be the same me as soon as we get back to the hotel."

The man nodded, not wanting to press you further despite not being very convinced by your words after seeing your completely pale face.

You decided to continue with your work, ignoring anyone who approached you to exchange even the slightest word. You tried to ignore the growing headache, the fatigue, and the tightness in your chest, which seemed to be worsening. Although the rain had stopped and you were in one of the garages, the sky remained dark.

You were surprised to see Sebastian, still wearing a short-sleeved shirt and shorts, just a few meters away from you. You shook your head, trying not to pay attention, and certainly not to worry. He was just your "boss," so to speak, and he was old enough to know what he needed to do to avoid getting sick. Well, he also had Britta, who was like a second mother to him.

A sharp pain pierced your temples. You staggered slightly, and if it hadn't been for your momentum making you lean your back against the wall behind you, you would have fallen to the ground.

"For God's sake, Y/N, you look terrible," he said as calmly as he could, though you could sense his nerves in his tone of voice. "You should go and have a rest. Like… now."

"Seb, we still have a lot to do. It's not just packing up the equipment, but also transferring the photos to the computer, editing them, then preparing the posts for you Instagram account..."

"Y/N, I love your work, but you've done more than enough for today," he interrupted, putting a hand on your shoulder, running his fingers carefully over it. "Now, I'll talk to Britta and we'll assign it to someone who knows what they're doing, okay?"

For a moment, you considered protesting, reproaching him that this was your job, and that's why he wanted you on his team since shortly before leaving Aston Martin, but the way he looked at you made you stop. He seemed worried, very worried. That's why you ended up not only reluctantly accepting but also letting him guide you to a nearby chair.

"Stay here. I'll bring you something warm."

As you watched Seb walk away, you sighed, managing to relax somehow. You saw him enter the Red Bull hospitality, and you assumed it was where he felt most comfortable. A few minutes later, you saw the blonde with two small steaming cardboard cups. As he reached your height, he offered you one of them.

"Thank you," you murmured, wrapping your hands around the cup and taking a sip. Chocolate, something you loved, and Seb knew it perfectly.

"Do you promise you'll go back to the hotel as soon as you finish your hot chocolate?"

"I promise," you assured him. "But I can't promise that..."

"Y/N, just no work for today," he cut in, seeing that you weren't going to fulfill what you had promised. "I want you to spend today and tomorrow resting. Sunday will be a tough day for us. You can do it, at least for me, or am I wrong?"

You nodded your head as if you were seven years old again. You knew you were going to rest as much as you could in your hotel room, but that didn't mean you weren't going to do anything. As you had already planned, you were obviously going to continue with your work. You couldn't disappoint Sebastian, not on such an important weekend like this.

[...]

Sebastian accompanied you to the door of your room, and despite having exchanged a couple of messages with you on Friday, having let you rest all afternoon and part of Saturday morning, and having agreed that you would come to a meeting room in the hotel at 12pm on Saturday to finalize the details of tomorrow's tribute, he didn't see you there.

"Have you seen Y/N?" he asked Britta directly, a little distressed. "She told me she would come with no doubt."

"And she did come," the ex-pilot's PR commented, "but I sent her back to her room as soon as I saw her shivering. Her forehead was burning, and she said she had a slight fever. It wasn’t just a slight fever, Seb," Britta assured him.

The man nodded but became even more worried. Quickly bidding farewell to Roeske, he headed towards your room. He saw the door slightly ajar, possibly your mistake. He knocked softly before entering, and the sight that greeted his eyes made him feel bad instantly.

You were curled up in bed, trembling uncontrollably. You had a small towel on your forehead with cold water to see if you could control your body temperature since you couldn't take your medicine again until the corresponding hours had passed, which was already the next day.

Your face was completely flushed, and your breathing was labored.

As soon as you realized Seb's presence, your eyes welled up with tears. You tried to force a smile, but all that came out were tears from how bad you felt not only for Seb to see you like this but also for ruining something so important.

"Seb... You didn't have to come," you stammered, your voice barely audible.

"Of course, I did! Don't be ridiculous!" he responded quickly, sitting beside you. He placed a hand on your forehead and realized Britta was right. "My God, Y/N, you're burning up. Why didn't you tell me you were feeling so bad?"

"I... didn't want to worry you," you admitted between tears of frustration and exhaustion. "Tomorrow is an important day. You need to be resting to give your best tomorrow. There are people who have come just for you, Seb, you can't let them down."

You noticed him tense a bit at the mention. His lips curved, and his jaw tightened. He took a deep breath and took your hand almost without thinking.

"This is my fault..." he whispered softly. He seemed overwhelmed with guilt, and much of it. You cursed yourself for making him think that when it was all really your fault. "Nothing is more important than your health, Y/N. I'm so sorry, really..."

"Seb, it's okay, really. These things happen; it's completely normal. There's probably someone else like me..."

His silence was the response you partly expected, but it didn't hurt until you saw him shake his head.

"I just wanted to give my best so that the photos would turn out perfect and you would have content worthy of all the work you've put into this..." was all you could say.

"You're already the best, Y/N," he said softly, tucking a strand of hair away from your face. "In fact, you're so perfect that you should stop being so perfect to start worrying more about yourself. And since you don't worry about yourself... let me do it for you, okay?"

Although you didn't agree with him and didn't believe you deserved his praise, you were too weak to argue.

Sebastian stayed with you all day, including the night. He made sure you were as comfortable as possible, brought you water, and soaked the cold cloth in water to lower your fever as soon as possible, miraculously something that worked. He didn't leave your side, not even when you had a coughing fit or sneezed without covering your mouth.

Your fever began to lower in the late hours of that day. Your breath calmed down, and the color seemed to return to your cheeks. Seb sighed with relief, quickly hugging you while continuously placing small kisses on your face and playing with your hair, making you laugh incessantly.

After ordering room service for dinner, since your appetite seemed to have returned, you fell asleep, at least apparently. To avoid disturbing you, Seb went from lying down next to you to reclining on a sofa next to the bed. His eyes were heavy with tiredness, but that didn't stop him from staying alert in case you needed his help.

"Rest, Y/N," he whispered, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead before caressing it. "I guess I'll have to take you out to dinner for the damages I caused."

You smiled at the last thing Seb had said, grateful that every time you got sick, you didn't fall into a deep sleep, and wishing that what Seb had said was true.

[cyxnidx]

SCARE !

req.:

a/n: omg hihihi😭apologies if this took a while, i haven't been checking my inbox at all. but i adore this idea!! tysm ♡. original post here.

character pairing: pantalone x gn!reader

genre: kinda angsty fluff hehe.

two weeks.

thats how long you've been gone for a commission. longer than usual, but pantalone has known you for long enough to know you're fine.

however, your little girl hasn't quite yet gained that pleasure of conscious.

"daddy.." the small girl whines, curling up in a ball against her fathers chest again.

she's been crying and whining about you all evening.

and while it wasn't out of the ordinary for the little girl to know that yes, you'd leave for "work" occasionally, she always got to have contact with you.

whether you end up sending a letter, calling, or sending some sort of souvenir, she always got something to remind her of her other support system.

but the extended time you've been gone paired with no gifts or contact whatsoever is overwhelming for the poor thing.

"i know, dear." pantalone says solemnly. it's the only thing he can tell her, other than the constant affirmation that you're fine.

but, of course she wants proof. its a warrant she's worthy of. but he just can't provide that for her.

its breaking him, from the inside out.

the small girl gets out from her fathers hold, eyes watering as she stomps over to her play shoes at the door. "daddy.. daddy, let's.. go!" she whines, wiping her own tears as she slips them on, and pantalone feels the last bit of his heart rip.

"where are we going, dear?" he asks, humoring the little girl.

"to go.. to go find.." she gets choked up on her own words, struggling to finish her sentence.

and back to her roots, she's a sobbing mess once again. mumbling your name like it's the only word she knows, pantalone can only kiss her forehead and tell her it's alright.

and even now, he's wondering if it's alright.

he takes the girl back to the couch, rocking her until she eventually quiets down from the constant crying she's been doing.

for once, pantalone feels useful in a situation like this. he's a smart man - he can do a lot, he knows a lot. but calming his little one while you're gone with no contact is something that nothing could've prepared him for. no book, no lesson, no prophecy, nothing.

just as he's beginning to relax on the couch, he hears the door knob twist and push open, revealing the same figure he and his little girl has missed for so long.

by the tensing of his body, your girl wakes up, looking around, still upset. until she meets your eyes.

and there she goes. crying, sobbing, a mess as she runs toward you, scolding you while also telling you she's missed you for what seems like a decade.

you kiss her forehead. "i know, i know, i'm sorry." you apologize, walking her over to pantalone.

he wraps his arms around you, his hedonistic smile crossing his face, though how he feels at the moment is anything but. his eyes say it all:

he's hurt. hurt, worried, upset, scared, and confused.

he pulls your figure in tight, as if he's afraid that if he lets go, you'll trickle into dust. nothingness. his head rests on your shoulder, his breathing choppy. "please don't worry me like that again." he mumbles.

[fox-quills]

Do have any additional thoughts/ideas you’d be willing to share about Mobius?

OKAY FIRST AN APOLOGY BECAUSE THIS HAS BEEN SITTING SINCE???? NOVEMBER????? I'm so so sorry anon I'm on mobile 99.9% of the time and I don't know where that stupid app hides asks but I'm like the t-rex from Jurassic Park I can only perceive movement 😭

Second thank you so much for taking the time to ask about my mostest favorite topic in the whole wide world! Unfortunately there's not a lot I can say about the fic story-wise without spoilers, although I have SO MANY post-fic thoughts I'm dying to share. Unless someone really wants my thoughts on how gender works in this particular omegaverse variant?? I spent so much time thinking about something that's only tangentially mentioned lol BUT, I can talk a bit about the process of writing Mobius! Because it has been an experience. I started Mobius just over a year ago (april or so), but didn't really knuckle down and and get cracking until June/July. It started as aideku, because I thought it was an interesting ship idea, but the few fics I'd come across hadn't really scratched the itch. I didn't even plan on writing it, but my beta at the time kept nudging me, and before I knew it I had a wholeass plot. And then a first chapter, at which point I was done for. In the original iteration of the fic, Hizashi was only meant to be the supportive BFF, but something in the original idea run (I forget what exactly) made my beta go.... hey how come this isn't a poly ship? And the answer was, I'd never written one before and didn't think of it, BUT IT IS NOW. (If you've read any of my other fic you may have noticed that this has become A Problem, and also led to a stealth love of dekumic, because apparently I wish to languish in rarepair hell) The fic has gone through about four major version changes. Aideku -> aidekumic (which came with some major detail pivots even though the overall plot hadn't changed) -> suffering reduction (it was gonna be so bad) -> suffering reintroduction, but different. It's gonna punch everyone right in the heart but I don't think I'm sorry about it. I'm also going to have to sneak back to the first chapter and retcon a detail once I get the actual logistics sorted. OH WAIT I DO HAVE A DETAIL I CAN SHARE THAT'S NOT A SPOILER ANYMORE. Although maybe skip it if you haven't read the latest chapter. Hizashi was, originally, not going to get together with them this early (not until near the end of the fic, actually). They still had the bond, and Izuku did eventually figure it out, but for [redacted] he decided not to act on it. So they both thought they had a one-sided bond, and just... never did anything about it. For a long while. Which eventually culminated in Shouta being away, Hizashi having an untimely heat, and him and Izuku sleeping together because mash an unfulfilled bond together with overwrought pining in a hormone cocktail and you get bad choices. Which resulted in a lot of immediate guilt in the aftermath, even though Shouta had clocked them ages ago and wasn't all that upset about it. Then something immediately happened to make things worse, but I can't disclose that part because it's still going to happen. ;)

That continued to be the plan until chapter 11 happened, with all the snuggling and purring, and @fondofeveryprickle read it and was like, "...if you wanna keep this I think you need to reevaluate The Suffering because these things do not mesh." Which resulted in a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth because that was a HUGE upset to the back half of the fic, and not something I was excited to re-jig. But she was right. And the new way was better. And then @scratchxiii said, "Hey what if we added Different Suffering?"

To which I replied, "Ouch my heart, that's absolutely devastating let's do it."

The blorbos uh, tend to get the worst of it when we're left unsupervised. BUT fresh suffering aside, the happy ending tag still applies, I'm just gonna make them earn it. :)

[axewchao]

Dal is such a a cool character! There's so much to know about him tho, so I want to ask to have a better understanding:

How many alternate universe Dal's are there?

By koopasona does that mean Dal IS you or like a part of you?

How long has he been around for?

Is there like, one main storyline his Mario verse self abides by, or can he like shift through realities? Or is there a Dal for every interest you have

Last one how did Dal and Luds get together? (I'm an OC x canon shipper myself so like a dork I had to ask 💀)

Sorry that's a lot I'm just really interested in knowing all the details 😭

Hoo boy, this could take a hot minute... Okay, let's just go from top to bottom!

1.) How many alt Dals are there? There's uh... a lot of them. Not including the Dallies, there's... sixteen of them??? I haven't stopped to count them all recently so this number comes as a bit of a shock. This number might not even be correct... :'D

2. Is Dalex my sona/part of me? Not anymore. Dal did start as a sona of mine, but evolved into his own character later on. I still use the 'koopasona' tag for him mostly out of laziness; by the time he became his own thing, there were already hundreds upon hundreds of posts involving him and I didn't have it in me to change his tag, even with the help of the mass post editor. Though considering that this lack of change can still make people believe otherwise, I should probably get off my ass and just do it already =w="

3. How long has Dalex been around for? According to dA, my very first post of him was back on my birthday in 2016. Dude's been running around for more than half a decade. They grow up so fast... ;w;

4. Is there a main storyline, or does he shift realities? In the Marioverse specifically, there's three different Dals: The Koopa one, the Human or "Real Worlder" one, and finally the "Hooman" one; aka the 'Nintendask-style' one that I haven't used in a very long time. The Human and Koopa versions both have their own separate stories, the former siding with the Mushroom Kingdom and the latter siding with the Koopas. No shifting realities here, or in any other 'verse for that matter, but there is something called the Dallyverse where Dals and Dallies from other realities can meet up and hang out. These multiverse meetups have absolutely no effect on the stories they live through; it's just for funsies.

5. Is there a Dal for every interest I have? Not every interest, but I can get the urge to toss a Dal in there very quickly. Even if I never go through with it, the idea will sit there in my head for a while.

6. How did Dalex and Ludwig get together? I've seen your ask blog; Suzuka's pretty cool too! ;3 But to actually answer your question, that depends on which Dal you're asking about. I'll assume it's the Koopa version for now. This answer's a bit long, so get a snack ready =w="

It takes both of them a while to realize how they feel about each other. As much as Dal enjoys romance as a genre and can see it between other people in real life, he doesn't notice when romantic attention is directed at him. He's never had a crush before either, but knows for a fact that he'd never fall for someone he barely knows (bro's demiromantic). It isn't until someone points out how his soul sphere (the blue thing in his hair) kept turning pink around Lud that he got on the right track; thinking about how much he enjoys spending time with Lud beyond Koopa heritage/magic lessons/general Koopaling shenanigans is what helps him realize that something... more might be there, at least on his end.

Does he confess? Oh hell no. Despite what his normal demeanor may imply, Dal doesn't always have a high opinion of himself and the effect he can have on others. What's so special about him anyway? What could he give Lud that more than a dozen other Koopas out there couldn't? What if he just bores Ludwig in the end? It's... probably better if he doesn't do anything...

On Ludwig's end, he doesn't notice it either, but the signs are more obvious. He starts seeking Dal out even when they aren't scheduled for a heritage/magic lesson. He finds it easier to talk to Dal with each passing day, even when they aren't alone. Dal's presence has a calming effect on the normally stand-offish Prince, with the latter's title having practically no effect on how Dal treats him making it even better. He actually leaves the castle to visit Dal's place, even spending the night every now and again.

It's... comfortable. Peaceful. More than Ludwig thought it would be. He knows that people like Dalex are hard to come by when you're of such high status, and knows how lucky he is to call Dal a friend.

The Chain Chomp incident happens, and Dal's injured. Lud refuses to let anyone else touch him; the thought of Dal getting hurt frightened him more than it should've. Dal was able to handle himself against two loose Chomps, Lud knew he wasn't hurt that badly, but still...

He starts getting handsy; first checking on Dal's wounds and later leaning on Dal and staying close to him without realizing it. Nearly nuzzling him at times. He doesn't think about it, he just does it like it's instinct. It's as easy as drifting off to dreamland.

Then his siblings spell it out, and suddenly he feels like he's having a nightmare.

Thing is, Lud's already been in two relationships before meeting Dal, and they both ended badly. He was a bit more open about his first boyfriend, but said BF was effectively scared away by jealous "fans." The second left him because Lud tried too hard to keep the relationship under wraps, leaving said relationship feeling more like a dirty little secret. They parted peacefully, but the breakup left Lud crying himself to sleep every night for over a month.

He'd already messed up twice, and he did NOT want to mess up a third time. Not with Rathmore.

Despite this, Lud's pining soon becomes unbearable. He can take a rejection, really, and he'd thank all the stars in the sky if Dal actually said yes. It's just the public's reaction that Lud's afraid of since they already scared one guy off. They might scare Dally too.

He confides in Lemmy about all of it. His cousin encourages him to go through with confessing; third time's the charm, right? Dal's got a good head on his shoulders; if he can take two Chomps, he can take crazy fans. Plus, with everything Lud's taught him, he can protect himself even better!

It takes a while for Lemmy's words to sink in, but eventually they do. Maybe... maybe things will work out this time. Maybe he doesn't have to be too cagey, and won't be forced to pay a price if he's more open. Maybe he can just... be, and that will be enough. It certainly feels like it's been enough so far; Dal's always understood whenever Lud wanted to stay inside or had work to do and therefore couldn't hang out...

He... really was perfect, wasn't he? Exactly what Ludwig had always wanted. He'd be a fool to let Dal slip away.

Ludwig Von Koopa was many things, but a fool was not one of them.

[pprodsuga]

omggg a snippet just for meeee i'm so honoured u wanted to share something with lil 'ol me. stop it before i develop a parasocial relationship with you...

on a different note, if u will allow me to rant for one wee second.. this is completely irrelevant to anything but i was looking for some romcom novels to read (bc i need to stop letting fanfiction consume me), and tell me why authors pick the ugliest most generic ytest names. i haven't read a real book in a while and i'm so used to reading ff now where even side characters have korean names that the switch over back to western books is awful. i had to stop my search bc wtf is GARRETT and TUCKER. ik a korean name is just a name, there's nothing objectively special, but it's just more unique in the sense that i don't see it often outside of media. the only way to get around this is fantasy books where the names aren't even real names (thank god the book im currently reading is fantasy). PLEASE can i just get an ethnic name and maybe more ethnic characters or something... sob. i just want a college romcom to cope so i can get away from college au's😭 yeah it's fucked for me. thank u for listening to my unsolicited bitch sesh

-comet

just for you, for always being so thoughtful in your words. more under the cut to spare the dash.

your first messages back in june struck a chord within me for two reasons: talking about my writing was an incredibly kind thing for you to do and it validated the hell out of my work. but also, i was experiencing a lot of friendship turmoil that i had to navigate (re: why i wrote never to keep).

i don’t know if i’ve ever expressed just how grateful i am to have read your messages at that time because for that entire month, i felt like i did not have anyone in my life to back me up when i stood up for myself. knowing that you thought i must be someone with a great deal of empathy and kindness restored a bit of faith in me and who i am as a friend. i reread your message over and over again until i could remind myself that i am who i am for a reason. so thank you.

character names are something i think about a lot, both in fanfics and regular fiction. i’m oftentimes taken out of the story when it feels so incredibly yt (but go figure, i’m not white but have a “white” name so i understand that there is some nuance sprinkled in there). but sometimes we just crave that subtle representation in an ethnic name so i don’t have to wait for the author to explain that they’re not….white. in every sense of the word. but like if you’re gonna pick a white name then at least make them sound HOT?

onto the snippet! i’m excited to post this one. no idea when i’ll finish writing/editing but i’m excited that you’re excited. not providing context bc im a menace and will make you wait. 😎 (thank you for being excited.)

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Sunghoon turns to look at you. “You were always the most unpredictable part of my day.” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah. You moved into the apartment next to mine and running into you a few times a week kept me on my toes. I don’t know. I guess I saw you as someone I would have potentially befriended. I could at least pretend I was coming home to talk to someone who cared.” 

“That’s…very sweet. You’re a nice person, Sunghoon.” 

He sighs. “I don’t feel that way. I don’t know when I’m gonna see my family and friends again and explain all of this, but I'm starting to get the feeling that they’ll never hear from me and they’ll never know what happened tonight.” 

“You know,” you begin, “a lot of my life was spent moving from place to place and never having anything or anyone to call home. I can’t imagine what it must feel like for you to leave everything behind. For that, I truly am sorry.”

“It’s really not your fault,” Sunghoon says dryly. “Whoever tried to kill you should get a bullet to his head.” He hears you laugh awkwardly.

“Yeah, well that likely wouldn’t solve our problems.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t think that man acted on his own accord. It’s too professional to assume he’s working alone.” 

“You’re saying he’s working with someone else?” 

“Or, he’s working for someone.” 

Sunghoon gulps. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“The price of freedom is high. Remember that.” 

“You know, none of this explains how you know what you’re doing. If you know, for that matter.” 

He doesn’t hear you move for a short while and closes his eyes shut. Once again, he’s found himself slipping up and saying things that don't translate well. Too afraid to speak, Sunghoon considers sleeping and dealing with his actions in the morning. 

“I know what I’m doing because I’ve done it before,” you say through the darkness. “When your whole life revolves around survival, you adapt to the best of your ability and do anything to stay alive. I’ve learned a few things from my time on the run so please know that I know what I’m doing.”

“Who are you?” 

The room is silent. 

“Someone you can trust.” 

[1d1195]

Burn out is wild because I have not been able to fully get out of it for years lol like i am just TIRED in all aspects! I think spring break is in two weeks i think but it's literally like three days mainly due to finals week lol i don't think I have anything too exciting for break other than seeing some friends? BUT yes i LOVE doing nothin on breaks/vacations! I truly enjoy my alone time and turning my brain off!!! Like the most I do is see my friends who come back home or just some that I haven't seen lol and when i was younger I we use to go on little local vacations like an amusement park or just go to another town because we were/are poor lol which is fine because i have no complaints! And You have no idea how much I've miss talking to you Sam😭 You even just remotely thinking about me, means so much😭 I saw a video where someone was trying to reinvent the "mash/bake potato" and my first thought was " I wonder how Sam might feel about this?" HAHA

The Time universe is a heavy/dark concept but that does not take away from how heartbreaking and heartwarming it is! You've always mention how writing and your stories mean a lot to you because of how person they can be and i think that you being able to create such wonderful stories is just amazing. It helps you and it helps others feel SEEN! I know I have felt so truly SEEN, which is rare for me, they way I can easily relate to your stories is wild bc not even in "traditional" media do i feel truly seen! and I know you answered an anon(i literally catch up on your blog first when i come on here lol) about how youre not really feeling to good about your stories :( I just want you to know that your feelings are so valid bc it's hard work and sense it is so personal at times, it's hard not to feel bad about it. You're also okay to feel jealous at your worst and that doesn't make you a bad person at all! but trust me you still have so many people who ADORE you and your stories! and not having too much smut isn't a bad thing! I know it' more popular but that doesn't mean it makes the story better! personally I have always been more of a plot person!

Also I don't want to overstep or anything but have you thought about asking advice from any of your writer mutuals/friends on here? Maybe they can give you input on which tags to use or maybe adding pics/themes to your posts? But I will never ask or suggest to change who YOU are as a person or writer bc in the end this is your blog and in the end you should feel good/proud of it and have the final say in everything! plus never feel bad for not posting constantly or taking breaks because your a real person Sam and you are allowed to take time for yourself. Youre allowed to take a step back because life so overwhelming at times! You can't do it all and that's okay because no one is really made to do it all if that makes sense? you need to give yourself the love you pour into others because nourishing yourself been if it's a little bit, it helps a lot in the long run❤️

Youre so loved Sam! I am so sorry you have been feeling this way :( If i could take it all away i would not question to do so! I hope that you get your deserved break and relaxation time soon! I love you so much, never doubt it!!!💜

(ps. saw someone mention Liar by Paramore as inspo for the physics couple?? HELLO?! this is wild bc as a stan this is so for me lol)

Wait omg I just realized how I forgot to mention in my long ass message that I read the zipper extra and it was so adorable!!! I loved it soooo much! They are just so cute together and ahhh I can’t believe they got married at the office 😭 it’s so cute bc it’s so them! And their vows omg 😭 loved it so much! You did great as always Sam!-💜

----------------------------------

I love you so so much! I was actually reading your first message and I was like "That's funny, she skipped Zipper!" But I'm so glad you liked it. I was totally struggling for an idea with them so I was hoping an office wedding would be cute. It seems like it worked for those that read it :)

That'll be so nice to see some friends and relax. Even if it's just a couple days. What's your semester like because it sounds like you finish way earlier than out East here if you're already almost at finals week? As a teacher, I'm always fascinated by school systems and particularly academic calendars HAHAHAHAHA 🤓 I'M SCREAMING ABOUT REINVENTING MASHED/BAKED POTATOES. What an honor to be thought of in such a remarkable video.

Don't you worry about chatting with other writers on here. I am in miss freedomfireflies DM's AT LEAST twice a month and making her listen to me whine and complain about my lack of interaction. She is extremely kind to put up with me 😭

I am definitely feeling less bad about not posting as frequently. I have something queued up for Thursday but I'm thinking about moving it to Monday or maybe even NEXT Thursday. I don't think Monday's are a big day for reading. At least not during a school year and I think many of my readers are in college/university/etc. Or just working, idk. ANYWAYS, it's just me having a little pity party hehehehehe I am constantly overwhelmed. Idk if I've ever been regularly whelmed and i've definitely never been underwhelmed lol. I feel like it's just part of my personality. Like I have brown hair and brown eyes and I'm always overwhelmed HAHAHA

TBH I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE PARAMORE INSPO WHEN I READ IT THE FIRST TIME HAHAHAHAHAHAHA but regardless, I am glad someone had an idea for that one too because I was certainly at a loss.

So good to have you back, bestie 💕 thanks for being so nice and sweet to me!

xoxo

[minerviewrites]

Hi! I see you haven't been posting much lately, are you out of ideas? or no orders? if you're out of orders I have one for you! could you do one with the characters of Chainsaw Man with the reader that really makes them nervous? If you do, I'd really appreciate it, if you don't, I'd still appreciate it for reading this :)

Ah, I'm sorry for not posting recently! School and exams have been kicking me in the butt 😭 Thank you for requesting <3

Nervous Chainsaw Man :]

Sfw, fluff + slight angst

Warnings: anxiety, physical touch, recklessness, mental manipulation,

❀ —————————————— ❀

Denji- This boy is always nervous around you because he doesn't want to screw anything up. He tends to like holding hands with you for the physical touch, but his hands are always clammy and twitch every so often despite what he says about being okay. Denji has a hard time explaining how he's feeling too; he's never had anyone worry about his emotional well-being before and he's never even had the time to think about it, so you'll have to help him work through his anxieties about such things

Power- You'll need to be super reckless or super doting to make her become even slightly nervous. If you're reckless, she understands, yet can't help but worry about your health and priorities; sure, she can run in swingin, but she's also a fiend and can regenerate. Power will often shake and yell at you after you get hurt doing something like that. If you're super caring and doting, it might creep her out a bit at first... she's never had anyone care for her, much alike Denji, and it makes her stuttery and blushy

Aki- He doesn't typically get nervous around anyone but fiends, so him being nervous around you is unusual. Really it turns out that he's never had a sweet or caring partner before; they've always been mentally manipulative or just downright mean, so having someone who takes the time to listen to how he feels and not judge him for it makes him nervous in a good way. Definitely takes a little time before Aki gets less defensive around you, but when he finally let's his walls down he seeks affection all the time

Makima- Honestly, she doesn't really get nervous at all. Her brain thinks logically and works accordingly, so there isn't really any room for unneeded emotions like anxiety or nerves. Makima might get a little uneasy if you're extremely affectionate, but she really only gets a little flushed and that's all. Though she doesn't get nervous, she loves to pick on you (in a loving way of course) and likes to see what makes you especially flustered

Kobeni- Always nervous 24/7, so it isn't your fault that she's anxious around you. She doesn't want to scare you off with her life, especially her work, so she tries to steer clear of that conversation altogether. You're probably one of her first romantic relationships; she has never had the time since she studies and takes care of her family a lot of the time, even before she joined the special division. Kobeni will try to go in for a kiss multiple times but always ends up running away in embarrassment after failing

Kishibe- Another one who doesn't get nervous often. He's pretty self confident and controlled, though he will get nervous if you're the type to do things on a whim. "You want to go halfway across the country? Maybe we should sit back and plan it". Kishibe tries to be a voice of reason even though he himself isn't the most organized or calm. Pretty chill other than that, as long as you can keep yourself sane and healthy

[oro-e-diamanti]

I've heard amazing things about this, so time to get comfy and get a read on because, knowing Foxy and her writing, this is gonna be a great one either way

edit after reading: WELL I HAD A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS ONE hahaha it's a long one under the cut because I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself haha

well yes that does sound like Thomas haha

it's too early into this story to get emotional but here we are

oh I love the detail of the "typing" appearing without anything happening

ahh Ethan is planning hm

ahhh Ethan trying to help Thomas out, yess

oooh five years ago, let's go

"Hindsight is always easier than foresight. You know now, Thomas knows now and Ethan knows now as well." 😭

god this hurts, I'm too hormonal for this

urgh Vivi

yeah ok I know it's too early to be annoyed with her but I'VE BEEN TOLD hahaha

lmao yes Vic go off

"until someone you almost forgot you know sends you an article" WHY DO PEOPLE DO THESE THING, mind your business ffs

"he's an idiot, he was told" GOOD haha

brb gotta go barf at the caption

"Are you tagging us to remind us that we’ll have band practice over video call now, or why are we seeing this." YES VIC GO OFF GIRL

bit too late, Thomas, bit too late. maybe you should have asked your new side piece when she was gonna post before she did and announced shit to the world

urgh the throwback, I'm fine I'm ok

OH OKAY I WAS CONFUSED FOR A SECOND THERE BUT I'M INTO THE DYNAMIC

urgh Ethan, I have very primal needs for this man

this has no business being so fucking hot but HELLO

god you write this so well

aaaaand back to the present, ouch

yeah Thomas, fucking surprise, no one could have seen this coming at ALL lmao

"food that can't be eaten" hahaha also me in the kitchen

aw no not l.a. people scolding him :(

not Ethan telling him a fairytale I'm gonna sob 😭

oh fuck off Vivi

OH JESUS CHRIST VIVI GET A BRAIN

Thomas being the dumbest dumbass to ever dumbass

fucking hell no one should ever be that passive and uninterested in their own wedding, that's just tragic but also THAT'S YOUR OWN FAULT THOMAS

Ethan putting his hands on Thomas' hips to get him down asghfdsjhf I love the litle details

god the way he keeps messaging her is both romantic and tragic

Ethan you sneaky bitch with the photo hahaha I love it

TITLE DROP IN THE STORY I love that

Thomas sleeping over and cuddling and hearing a story and WANTING A ROOM I'm gonna burst, he's so soft and cute, shame he lost his brain

another flashback for my poor heart haha

I'm not gonna lie, I love that arrangement with Ethan ahhh

jesus christ vivi that's not normal behaviour

"He wants to go home" 😭

oh fucking finally, Thomas

don't stick your dick in crazy, folks

"If he would have looked up, he would have seen you cross the bridge he walked over only minutes ago." afhsadha this is too good

THREE YEARS AGO THAT'S STILL SO MUCH TIME LEFT AHHHH

THAT BITCH SELLING OUT TO THE MAGAZINES I'M, once again, GONNA GO BARF

lmao not everyone coming for her to disprove her story, love that

as if y'all haven't seen each other naked more than some couples have, damiano

OH FFS DAMIANO that's just mean

dhsfjsdlfsa the story about the star

Thomas missing Vic 😭

ah fuck of course they had to run into each other at SOME point, even if this one mainly consisted of Thomas running AWAY

"I kind of forgot to tell them about each other" ETHAN NO

is that a good idea, Thomas??? bit full of memories, that house, innit

ooooh one year ago, getting closer

damn Pedro knows and understands, good dude eh

hahaha yep, that sounds like Vic

fuck's sake Vic, don't go around almost drowning, please

"You need someone who loves you unconditionally. I do love you, but not like you need" 😭

oh Thomas you silly little thing, of course she loved/loves you

THis year 👀

I WANT TO BREAK UP

ouch, poor Pedro but also oooof yeah I get it

ASHKFJHSD SORRY WHAT YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THEM FUCKING IN THEIR IN THE TINIEST PARAGRAPH AND EXPECT ME TO BE OK WITH IT

omg not Thomas still having the rehearsal room I'm gonna cry

ASHKFLSH DAMIANO STILL HAS THE PAPER

god I love this so much, the story, the scene, your writing, your MIND

I WANT BOTH OF YOU TO STAY

UH HUH YES

sgfiahfAFHOÖASFghiudfaö

that's it that's my review

just keysmash

no words

god I love it so much

10/10, amazing work, would recommend and read again

Let the devil be my witness

Pairing: Thomas x Fem!Reader x Ethan

Summary: "The little star is unhappy, it wants to be a star that others wish upon, bring them luck but shooting stars are meteors burning, just surviving for us to see before they burn up and hit the ground" or Five years of everything going wrong.

Word Count: 10.5k

Other: Warnings and everything at the end this time. There's hints to All my friends told me you would break my heart, which you should read, just because I love it :) (It works without but better with).

Reblogs are free, I would appreciate people using them. Thanks <3

Add yourself to my taglist.  / Masterlist

.#####.

NOW

"I want to throw a party," Thomas tells him. Curled up under his blanket, looking at him with big eyes, a small happy smile on his face. "It'll be fun. I can close the bar for a day and everyone can just have fun, they deserve it."

Ethan just hums. He didn't see Thomas for months until he gave him a call and then Thomas just appeared in front of his door today, hugging him close and now Thomas is laying in his bed after hours of talking.

"You would come as well, right?" There's a glimmer of hope in Thomas' eyes.

"Sure," he smiles at him, "Can't have you party alone."

For a long time nothing is said, until Ethan thinks that Thomas already fell asleep. He reaches for the second blanket that is at the foot of the bed, turns the already dimmed light off. Only then, in the darkness, Thomas stirs again.

"Thank you," Thomas mumbles against his neck, "for not hating me."

Ethan stiffs before he relaxes again: "Of course not."

"Do you think we will work as a band now?" Thomas buries his face against his neck.

"It'll be okay."

"Did Vic or you tell him to apologise?" Thomas asks, slightly shaking in his arms.

"No, Dam just asked us for your new number. He wanted to apologise himself."

Again there's only silence and darkness surrounding them. But there's still one question Ethan wants answered, there's an idea forming in his head.

"Tho?"

"Eth?"

"Do you still write her?"

There's rustling next to him. He blinks and the next time he opens his eyes, he holds Thomas' phone in his hands. Thomas' Instagram DM's with you are opened. Messages you never answered but there's the little heart emoji under the text that shows that someone liked the message.

I think, I never said it but I'm sorry.

Ethan scrolls further up, sees text blur together, sees the hearts on Thomas' texts but how he never got an answer, except once. He scrolls down, and blinks at the screen confused, then it's gone again. Thinking that he imagined it, he wants to give the phone back to Thomas but just before he does, it starts again.

Typing …

Nothing happens, no text appears, but the plan is shaping up in Ethan's head - the last five years have been enough.

.#####.

"I know this is really weird," Ethan says, "Look, do you still talk to …"

He's getting cut off: "Yes, we still talk. It's okay, we just fucked, you made that really clear. What do you want?"

"Could you do me a favour and get her to a party?"

"Are you going to tell me why?"

"I can't go on seeing Thomas like this," he says, "They have to talk."

"You can't lie to me, I know which arrangement you had." There's a sigh on the other side of the phone. "You want it back as well."

"I'm already happy when he's not breaking down again. He still loves her, that's more important and more than enough for me."

"It has been years."

"Please! Before they are running away from each other again."

"I'm sorry, she just broke up with someone, I don't know if it's a good idea to just confront her with Thomas of all people right now."

"Just this one favour, I don't know who to ask otherwise."

"What do I get for being a part of this stupid plan?"

"Seeing a happy end?" A small laugh, but he counts it as a victory. "I would give you my soul if I have to, I just want to see him happy after all this."

.#####.

Five Years ago - The Breakup

Hindsight is always easier than foresight. You know now, Thomas knows now and Ethan knows now as well. Now is just too late. It wasn't what was said that ended your relationship - it was what went unsaid. At least that is what you tell yourself, but it's too late.

Just lock the door when you leave.

Just chuck the keys into my letterbox.

You cry downstairs when you are in front of his mailbox, his keys in hand. He isn't going after you to say that he's sorry. There's nothing - just silence.

Did you just break up with me?

You should have known, should have known better. Should have known before they even came back home from tour, but you were stupid enough to tell yourself that it will all turn out to be okay in the end. It didn't, you can see that now. You should have known when he went to parties more often than picking up the phone for calls you agreed on before. Forgetting calls all together and him being more distant than not.

Just when you're about to throw the keys into the letterbox, there's a hand on your shoulder and then Ethan pulls you into a hug. For a few seconds you had hope. You were clinging to the last bit of hope on this gloomy November day, all to have it shattered.

"I'm sorry," he says and hugs you closer.

You can't do anything than cry into his shirt, onto his shoulder. Your phone vibrates in your hand, has the keys making a jiggling noise.

"He doesn't mean it, don't believe him," Ethan says, "he missed you. Thomas missed you so much, he thought it would make it worse and that it would make it worse for you or him."

You don't answer, you just stare down on your phone.

Yes

The keys you drop into Ethan's hand are almost falling to the floor. And then you leave them behind.

.#####.

FIVE YEARS AGO

"Los Angeles?" Vic looks at him surprised, "Are you sure, Thomas?"

He just nods, nervously picks at his nail polish.

"Why?"

"Vivi wants to go," Thomas isn't looking at her, "might be easier for her to start a career there than here. You know how hard everything here is."

"I'm sorry, what?" The expression on Victoria's face changes from surprised to something like outraged. "You know her for what? Two months of fucking? If she has any talent, she'll also make it here, you of all people should know that."

Thomas just shrugs, avoids her gaze, and Vic sighs.

"Are you that heartbroken?"

He shrugs again, doesn't want to face the truth.

"I told you, that she would break your heart."

"I …," Thomas looks at his hands - thinks of the day the break up happened, "I was the one who broke up with her."

"Maso!" The anger gives way to a sadder look on Vic's face. "You are so in love, and you are still, don't lie to me. I don't understand, why?"

"I thought it would hurt less when I do it."

.#####.

You try to ignore it, you try to ignore the rumours and the gossip that reaches your ears - the whispers around the city. It works, but only until someone you almost forgot you know, sends you an article that you open without thinking even one second about it. You should have, you shouldn't have looked at this. Shouldn't have seen what you so desperately tried to avoid the last couple of months.

There's no need to read the article, you just see the photo. Thomas in an intimate embrace with a woman. He has his tongue down her throat, or the other way round, you're not sure. Deep down, you don't even want to know. Then you switch off your phone. You don't want to think about it, but it doesn't work.

Even in the evening when you're home and switch your phone on again, you're still thinking about it. Not getting the image out of your head, the bottle of white wine doesn't help, it just has you thinking about Thomas again, and about Ethan. The one night, you all got drunk on wine and high on weed, crossfaded - a happy pile on Thomas' couch, some obscure horror film playing in the background. Ethan kissing your neck, and Thomas giggling under you, how he tried to kiss you on the lips but his lips landed right under your eye. How he poked his tongue out, slowly licked and Ethan laughed against your shoulder. But on your phone, you can see more photos. Thomas holding hands, Ethan somewhere in the distance, the girl looking straight into the camera and you want to throw your phone against the wall.

For one second, you in your head you play with the thought to call him. Just to hear his voice, to be soft, but you don't. You call one of the friends you made in Rome, a friend you made because of him, after he took you out for dinner the first time. Thomas' friend, Franca - the waitress that evening, with who you hit it off. She showed you around bars when he wasn't there, talked with you - teached you more Italian, became a friend. Exactly like Thomas wanted to, I knew you would like each other.

"Hi," you feel bad, "I'm so sorry to call. I know he's your friend, probably more than mine but, I, I just don't know what-"

"Sweetheart," her voice is soft, "so you saw it? I'm so sorry. It's okay, he's an idiot, he was told. You're my friend as well."

"Thanks," you sniff slightly, "This hurts. He couldn't wait at least more than a month or two before almost climbing someone in public?"

"I know this isn't any condolence, but Ethan and Vic both told him, this isn't going to turn out any good and everything else …," she stops.

Sweet Ethan, you think.

"What do you mean? Everything else?"

"Are you sure, you want to know this?" She asks. You know, you shouldn't say yes to this question, it was enough for today, but you still do. "I'll sent you a screenshot, and you know what we should do? Go out, there's plenty of fish in the sea. We'll get you something better."

Problem is, you don't want anything better. You want Thomas. You want Ethan as well - but it doesn't hurt as much.

The screenshot almost makes you cry, it's a photo of Thomas and the woman you saw too many times today already. She's pressing her lips to one of his cheeks, just next to a freckle you loved to kiss, her arms around him. Worse is only the caption: Can't wait to start a new and better life with my sweetheart, the absolute love of my life, in Los Angeles next month.

"Los Angeles?" You should be happy that you'll have Rome to yourself again, that you don't have to be careful where to step, to not run into any of them. You feel nothing. "This day was enough, I think."

"You don't know the best part yet. She actually tagged him in this post but not only him, she somehow managed to tag the band account as well." A tiny bit you even have to laugh. "Ethan apparently lost it, saying he doesn't want to be associated with this. And Vic commented under it Are you tagging us to remind us that we'll have band practice over video call now, or why are we seeing this. And now, I promised you to party."

"Actually …," you thought about it before but now is the time to really do it, "I would rather look for a new job than for a stopgap just to fuck."

.#####.

There's some kind of magical string pulling you to the bar that day. The bar you met in, where Thomas first act upon seeing you was to empty his Tequila Sunrise over your dress by accident. Just when you want to step into the bar, you can see a blond man with messy hair turn around quickly and walk away - you shake your head at yourself, you're seeing ghosts.

You just want to get a drink, watch people for a bit, and go home but when you come back from the bar, Vic is sitting at the table where you usually sit.

"I know, I know, yes I got it," she says into her phone, "I just thought, you wouldn't cancel on me after you should have been already here. I get that you still have to pack stuff but …"

She hangs up with a sigh, then she looks at you: "I can't believe he just bailed on me like that."

"Welcome to the club," you want to be sarcastic but the bite is missing from your voice.

Victoria chuckles, but quickly stops when she sees your face: "I can't believe, he's really going to move to Los Angeles of all places. Half my life he was always just a few streets away."

You can feel your lips start to quiver, your hand slightly shaking. Vic takes your drink out of your hand and then she pulls you down into a hug.

"God, I'm so sorry," she whispers while you cry into her soft cardigan, "This must be hard for you as well."

"Please don't tell him."

.#####.

When you're home hours later, you stare at the Instagram DM Thomas sent you a while ago:

I just wanted to tell you that I'm moving to LA. I wanted you to know from me, not from somewhere else.

You didn't answer - there was nothing left to say. You already knew.

It should have been the quickest way to get you back home but now you're already standing in the streets for the last ten minutes. Autumn is just around the corner, it's early September, and you are standing in front of Thomas' flat. Thomas' old flat - he moved end of June, you try to tell you that it's better like this. That he's gone, but it doesn't work, you tell yourself the same when you see pictures in glossy magazines or when you accidentally see Thomas' Instagram's posts. It always hurts whatever you tell yourself.

You try not to let your thoughts wander back in time, you try not to think about them. But before you can tell yourself not to do it, you think about how many times you went up the stairs to Thomas' flat. How you went up the stairs the first time after the night at Ethan's place.

They just came back from some little promo tour they had for a little over a week and Ethan asked if you would come over to Thomas' place later. You couldn't say no, you where just wondering why Thomas didn't text anything all evening and isn't the one who's opening the door for you.

"Where's Thom?"

"In the living room." Ethan grins at you, glass of wine in hand. You can only hear the intro music of a film playing from the living room. "He'll be happy to see you."

Contrary to what you expected Thomas isn't sitting on the couch, he's laying on his back, on the wooden floor boards - almost naked. You kneel down next to him, to press a kiss to his cheek. Affectionately you let your fingers glide through his hair. He wants to say something but he can only whine and mumble against the soft scarf that is between his lips, used to gag him. You let your hands wander over his body, his waist, his hips, play with the hairs of his happy trail until he whines again and tries to buck his hips up.

Ethan kneels down next to him on his other site and carefully gets the scarf out of his mouth. He wipes the spit away from Thomas' chin with his thumb.

"We will watch a film now." Ethan says, "If you promise me to make no noise, you can come up to the couch and we can leave this off."

Thomas sits between you two, while you are still dressed. Everytime Thomas does want to say something or a whine almost lefts his mouth, he carefully bites into Ethan's shoulder or into your arm. When there's a heated scene of two people fucking against a wall, Thomas loses the battle with himself and lets a loud whine slip past his lips. It doesn't help that you let your hand slip into his slightly tented briefs and let your fingers swirl around his tip. He whines even louder.

"You have to go back down." Ethan says, slapping your hand lightly, so you take it off Thomas' and then he pauses the film. "Just lay down, stick your tongue out."

Thomas does lay down, while Ethan takes off your trousers and your panties: "You can have him, but not his dick, otherwise you can play with him, 'kay?"

You kind of have an idea what he wants to see, and you don't want to disappoint, you know Thomas doesn't want to either. You wipe some of the drool away from Thomas' face. He looks up to you, a little bit unsure - you still remember how he said he isn't good at this.

"You'll do great," you reassure him before you put both your feet next to his head, grab a handful of his hair and lower your body down. "I know it, just keep your tongue out, babe."

He is doing more than keeping his tongue out, he's trying to go with your movements. Carefully licking through your folds, then faster - a little bit harsher, before he switches back to carefully. You move his head, his tongue gliding in and out. Whoever made him believe that he's not good at this, deserves to be haunted for their rest of their life, you think. When you pull him off, he presses his tongue flat against your clit, slightly circles it. It feels so good, you almost cum and you would but Ethan pulls you off. Thomas heavily panting under you.

It doesn't take long to free Thomas of his briefs, or to get him to fuck you. You're bouncing up and down playfully on his dick, you can feel how he restrains himself to not just buck up into you.

"You did such a good job," you can hear Ethan tell him, "You don't have to hold back."

And he doesn't. The next second your back hits the floor and he's over you. There's no restraints anymore, just Thomas going deeper, moaning into your mouth. The only word you can think off is wild, and you definitely see the stars when you cum.

A loud noise gets you out of your memories, people being noisy, carrying boxes. Just when your phone is ringing and you pick it up almost in trance.

We would like to offer you the job.

The For Rent sign is taken down. Someone new is moving in. He isn't coming back, you realise. It's not feeling like a weird and unpleasant dream anymore, it feels like reality crashing down over you. And you are offered the job you always dreamed of. In Sydney, a city you never asked for. You look up to Thomas' window, the window you have seen him smoke out so often and know that you'll not see him again like this, and you say yes.

.#####.

Thomas is sitting on the roof of his rented house. Cigarette between his lips, guitar next to him, he's watching the sunset in the distance. He can't tell if he's happy, the only thing he knows for sure is that he's drunk. Incredibely drunk. He went up to the roof after Vivi asked him another time this week, if he could show her photos to some people, as she did the months before. Thomas tried, he did try for her, showed them to some people he thought might have pity - either with him or with her - or would like them, but everyone told him the same. No. It escalated into a fight and then into a fight about something else, not the first time since they moved, or even this month and not only because of this alone.

He's tired. Tired of running after people for other people. Tired of the fighting. Tired of band practice over webcam. Tired of Vic and Damiano looking at him pityfully. And he's so tired of Ethan looking at him as if he had told him that stars aren't real and the big celestial bodies are only an illusion he made up in his head years ago. He's so tired of it.

Don't fucking cry. He tells himself.

He is tired of being tired. Thomas takes another sip of his drink that is too bitter. He loves sitting on the roof with the last sunrays of the day but he misses his balcony in Rome and his small kitchen full of people, cooking that goes wrong and food that can't be eaten but he still had fun. Now there are still people in his kitchen but every day blends into the other, people talk to him as if he's an animal in a zoo and he's getting scolded for burning something more often than feeling lips on his forehead, in his hair or on his cheeks - and collective laughter.

Do you think stars have a life?

There's no thought in his head when he writes it, no one stopping him sending it. Nothing happens, until a little heart appears under his text. Causing his own heart to jump in his chest. He waits but there's nothing else, no answer.

I hope Sydney makes you happy x

No answer.

I'm not. Happy, I mean. He writes it, but before sending it, he deletes it and dials Ethan's number instead.

"It's early," Ethan says. There's a voice next to him and Thomas can hear how he gets out of bed.

"It's late," Thomas says, "Do you think stars have a life?"

"Do you want to hear the scientific answer?" Ethan asks and sighs. "Or are you asking for a story?"

"A fairytale?" He picks up his guitar, it almost wheeps when he plays. He still isn't ready to cry but his guitar wants to. "Please?"

"Hundreds of light years away, in a bright galaxy full of other stars, there was once a little star …"

He only gets down the roof late in the night. Vivi is standing in the corridor, looking tired and she snaps at him.

"Did you have fun?" she asks, "While I had to tell your friends that you aren't in a good mood and everyone looked at me like I'm the most pathetic person in the room?"

"Vivi."

"No. Don't look at me like that, like you're all sad and your life is horrible with me but like you're sorry," she says, "You cannot always leave an argument like this Thomas."

His voice is smaller than he wants it to be: "I didn't invite those people, you did. You can't just invite people to my house. They aren't my friends, how many times do I have to repeat? You started an argument in front of them because you started with your," he makes air quotes, "Can you believe he still didn't ask me to marry him again."

"Yes, because we had this conversation so many times. I told you I want to get married, get a hint."

"You want me to marry you? Fine." He is tired, he's still so fucking tired. "I'll buy you a ring. Go dress shopping or whatever people do that get married."

"You finally came around?" She smiles and puts an arm around his hips, "We will make such a great couple, I already know the perfect dress, you will love me in it."

"I'm crashing in a hotel." He takes his guitar and his car keys. And then he's out the door, he wants to get out, he just wants to breathe.

In the end he does buy a ring. He even goes down on his knees. He's so fucking tired. He wishes he really could be the little star light years away that so desperately wants to be a shooting star and is still finding happiness in the end.

I got engaged

This time he isn't waiting for an answer, a reaction, isn't staring at his phone. He knows there will be no answer - there's nothing else to say.

.#####.

They tour Europe and Thomas finally feels like he can breathe again. He calls Vivi after gigs, lets her talk about wedding decisions she makes without him. But more often than not, he sends you a quick message. A photo from Florence, an anecdote how he almost fell off stage in France, that he misses talking to you from Stockholm and a selfie of him and Ethan with the Colosseum in the background from Rome which you saved to your phone.

"Do you think Sydney is nice?" Thomas asks Damiano one evening.

"You want to tour Australia, huh?" Damiano looks back at him but then his look changes. "It's not about touring, is it?"

Thomas shakes his head.

.#####.

FOUR YEARS AGO

It's already early May when Ethan comes to visit him in Los Angeles. He's excited, excited to see his friend, excited to have nothing to do and he hopes that he is finally getting away from deciding which colour the tablecloths at the wedding should have, which they still don't have a date for and will more than likely still be months away.

The first two days are the best he had since the tour ended. Just Ethan and him going to the beach, eating ice cream and existing next to each other. There's a party in the evening and Thomas almost gets Ethan to dance on a table with him but in the end he smiles fondly at him and stays on the ground. Thomas laughs when Ethan puts his hands on his hips to get him off the table at the end of the night. He still smiles when Ethan strokes his sweaty bangs out of his face and says goodnight, presses a light kiss to his cheekbone, hours later.

"You came home late!" It's the first thing he hears when he wakes up only hours later. Vivi's voice sharp next to him.

And then all of a sudden it isn't the relaxed holiday anymore he wanted, or Ethan wanted for himself. Vivi always hanging around, pulling him back when he gets too close or when Ethan puts an arm around his waist. There are more photos of her in Thomas' flowy shirts than usual, Thomas in the background sometimes, a hand here, an engagement ring there. A little reminder. Not one minute she leaves them alone, Ethan rolls his eyes when she cuddles up to Thomas at the pool one afternoon, making out with him until Ethan takes his book and leaves for his room.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing!?" She puts her hand on his chest. "You don't like it?"

"That's not what I'm talking about. Am I under surveillance or something?"

"You fucked with him, or someone with him, I don't care. But don't think I'll let him out of my sight or alone with you. That one party was enough."

"You're exaggerating," Thomas tells her but Vivi isn't listening anymore, "There's nothing you have to worry about. You know we aren't getting back together."

Ethan is staying away from him the next days, doing his own thing. Sending Thomas a photo from an art gallery he is going to, while Vivi is dragging him to another one at the other end of the city. He has a headache. Somehow there's a snapshot of him holding hands in an Italian gossip magazine a day later which Damiano sends him a photo off.

You remember when Ethan told us about his fave painting? And how the brushstrokes are unique? I wish, I could still remember the painting's name without asking him but I only remember the name of the tea I had. Who names a tea Dulce & Banana?

One morning, the second week of Ethan's stay, Ethan and Thomas take their breakfast to the pool. Listening to music together and Thomas rests his head on Ethan's shoulder while biting into a croissant.

"Smile!" Ethan says and then everything goes a little bit too fast. Thomas smiles when Ethan points his phone camera to them. While Vivi sneaks in from behind just in the moment Ethan rises his hand to show the camera his middlefinger, directly in front of her face. Strangely he has to giggle when he sees the end result. Vivi on the other hand is fuming, Thomas just looks at him, a little bit annoyed, a little bit lost. He posts it anyways and thinks about getting a hotel room for the rest of his stay.

"Can you at least try to be nice to her?" Thomas says later in the day.

Before Ethan can answer, Vivi lays her arm around Thomas: "We're going out for dinner now, right?"

"Are you joining?"

"No, I'm going to look for a hotel room."

Later he does look for a hotel room but before he books it, he decides to facetime Victoria.

"How are you two? Oh…" Vic looks at him surprised, "Where's Thom?"

"Out for dinner, with Vivi."

"Your holidays aren't that great?" She asks.

He tells her everything that gets on his nerves, how it feels like he can't talk to Thomas even five minutes a day. How he really doesn't want to be here and that he really was excited to be here in the beginning.

"This is why I didn't want to join." Chili is crawling into her lap. "Or why Damiano and I decided she isn't allowed to join us on tour."

"You decided this without me?"

Victoria sighs: "You can never be angry with him for long, damn you can't even say no to him even when he's the biggest fucking idiot." Vic and Chili are both looking at him. "Dami didn't want the paparazzi to swamp us, they somehow turn up when she's around, and I didn't want you to have to see this the whole time."

"Okay."

"Ethan, you … As I said you can't say no to him, he just has to look at you. We … we also thought it would be …," she shakes her head, "You and him is a different story, I didn't want to make it harder for you or him or for … For, you know, for her."

"Okay."

"And … I can see he's suffering."

Ethan startles when there's a knock on the door. Thomas in front of it.

"Did you eat?"

"Shitty pizza and an even shittier salad."

Thomas looks at Ethan's laptop: "One of your fuckbuddies?"

"I hope I'm better than that!?"

All three of them laugh, and Vic hangs up. Thomas gives him a paper bag. It contains some pastries and a salad that isn't shit according to Thomas and two pre-mixed cocktails in bottles.

"Can I come in?" Thomas asks, "I'm sorry because of earlier."

They go up to the roof in silence, they eat in silence, they drink in silence.

"Do you really want this engagement, Thom?"

"I don't know," he shrugs - fumbles for a cigarette.

"If you could start over with your life would you do it?" Ethan tries to change his approach. "Would you change anything?"

"Hmmm," Thomas looks down at the cigarette between his fingers, "I would. I would do a lot different now. Let the devil be my witness, I would do things differently."

"When she would have come up with me again, would you have still broken up?"

"Did you ask her to come up again?" Thomas looks at him - hurt and broken.

"No."

"Does it matter then?"

Ethan swallows. Maybe it doesn't matter after all. There's only cigarette smoke and silence between them.

"Can I stay here?" Thomas plays with his ring, twists it on his finger, puts it on another finger before he puts it back where it belongs.

Thomas cuddles close to him when they are in bed. All Thomas wants is another story, and Ethan settles on a story that one of his older sisters told him when he was a child.

Thomas is almost asleep, when he speaks again: "Can we book a room for us together?"

.#####.

Sydney isn't Rome. You knew but it still shocks you how the city and you aren't getting along - there's a point mid-year where you have to admit that you aren't going to be friends. Everywhere you step, everywhere you walk, you miss Rome. History surrounding you, traffic chaos, you miss it. It doesn't help that your new job isn't as good as you made it out to be in your head and your manager a dickhead.

Sometimes you think about how easy it would be to write Thomas. Like you did before, talk about your day, that your job is shit, how stressed you are. That the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You wish, you could hear his voice, hear him talk and fall asleep to the sound of his guitar. You want to tell him that you recently saw a poster of them a street you walk every day but the next morning someone already sprayed over it and you imagine how he would laugh and make a joke.

You don't write him, you don't answer when he writes. But in the end, you post a photo of you packing boxes. And a month later you post a photo of you back in Rome.

I hope Rome missed me as much as I missed Rome.

It's your first night back. You're happy, sitting on your new balcony with a bottle of wine. You're happy and melancholic. Thomas sends you a &lt;3 - and you almost start to cry.

I miss Rome as well

Realisation that you will think about him at every corner you turn and every street you cross again strikes you when you see his message.

Do you remember when you told me you didn't regret kissing me?

You do - you remember it still too clearly.

A few months after the first night at Ethan's place. After a few more nights together, you in Thomas' bed and in his arms for most of the evening. Until Thomas is turning onto his stomach and you end up sitting on his thighs, pressing kisses to his neck and shoulders.

"Do you regret being here?" Thomas mumbles into his pillow.

"No." Another kiss to his shoulder. "Why would I? I'm exactly where I want to be?"

"You really don't regret kissing me the first time at the pool?"

"I don't regret it," you say, "And I meant everything I said as well."

Thomas is still slightly humming into the pillow when Ethan joins you two in bed.

"You smell like sex," Thomas says, turns his head - and lifts his head into Ethan's touch when Ethan tousles his hair.

Ethan just grins while you're busying yourself with continuing to kiss Thomas' shoulder blades.

It's your deal. Ethan will do whatever he does, whatever he wants - go and come how he pleases. Will join you whenever he likes, taking advantage of the spare key Thomas gave him. More often than not. Thomas is different, a constant. But in the end Ethan isn't that different - he always comes back to both of you.

"Yes," he kisses your cheek, "You two don't, are you just cuddling?"

Now it's your turn to grin. Thomas shivers when you put your hand on the small of his back and breath lightly against his ear: "I think, Thomas would love to cum."

"Would he?"

Thomas nods and whimpers quietly, looking at you with pleading eyes.

"What would have happened if I wouldn't have come home?"

"He wouldn't cum." Thomas whimpers again, "Obviously."

You know, somewhere along the lines, Thomas will get his revanche at you for this. Later, when you do smell like sex, Thomas and Ethan cuddled close to you, you think home.

You still think about it sometimes, home.

.#####.

I felt safe.

He looks at the text, but deletes it, puts his phone down and goes for his guitar instead, he plays mindlessly. He plays until his mind is blank, no emotion or feeling left.

When he goes back to the bedroom, Vivi is in bed, red lingerie, but what catches Thomas off guard is his phone in her hands.

"What are you doing?"

"You changed your PIN?" She looks at him. "I also can't open it anymore with my fingerprint?"

"You shouldn't be on my phone."

He's tired. He's so tired again.

"You are hiding something from me." It's not even a question.

"No."

He doesn't. She knows, knew from the beginning, she still decided she wanted a relationship with him. Wanted to move to Los Angeles together, wanted to marry him. Maybe she really is in love, he thinks. He was at one point, maybe still is a bit, otherwise he wouldn't be here. But then he realises that she got him away from all his friends, from home, he feels alone. She's always there, but he's still alone. He's always wrong, sometimes he isn't, when she wants something. With everytime she posts a photo of her in one of his shirts, it gets worse. With every pic he posts, with every ohhhh and awwww in the comments, while Vivi is there to ridicule him, he wants to get away.

"Sure, lets say I'll believe you." She gets up and tries to open his shirt. "I didn't get into this for nothing."

"Not in the mood."

"You're never in the mood. You could at least fuck me, Thomas."

And then she rushes out of the room.

He wants to go home.

.#####.

Once again, it's November. And he breaks up with someone. It almost becomes a tradition, he's sarcastic to cope.

"You promised to marry me."

Thomas doesn't say anything.

"I wish we never met," she takes a plate that is next to the sink. "Everyone warned me about you."

That rings a bell, Thomas thinks but he keeps silent. He's too afraid he'll fold again, stay.

"You'll regret this." The plate flies towards him, he can just duck before it flies over his head and shatters on the wall. The last time it was a tea cup - he wants to cry. "I'll make you regret this."

He sinks down the wall, ends up between the shards of the broken plate.

"Please, stop." Thomas says, when he sees Vivi reach for another plate. "Stop."

"You'll see what happens next."

She throws her engagement ring at him and leaves.

And he finally cries.

.#####.

Thomas goes home for Christmas, he isn't planning on going back. He's back in Rome and he wants to stay.

He posts a picture of him being back.

I'll never be as happy somewhere as here

He smiles at his phone when you like the post, Ethan smiling at him in return.

Vic, Damiano, Ethan and him are spending New Year's in his new flat. Damiano cooking with Ethan's help. Vic annoying them with party crackers. He laughs, he's happy, he needed this.

"I missed you." Victoria hugs him from behind, then she annoys him with a party whistle, blowing it directly against his stomach.

The New Year starts with too much champagne, laughter, his friends and a walk Ethan takes him on.

"I'm glad you're back." Ethan offers him a cigarette. "Did you tell her you're back?"

"No." But Thomas smiles. "I think she knows."

He stays back a little, Ethan walking ahead slowly. There's one thing, he wanted to do, he gets the engagement ring out of his coat. Looking at the Tiber, he breathes in deeply, it's cold, then he throws it into the river and he sees it sink.

Happy New Year &lt;3

Happy New Year, Thom!

If he would have looked up, he would have seen you cross the bridge he walked over only minutes ago.

.#####.

Three Years Ago

Your year starts out differently than expected. It really starts a few days after it already started and it starts at a place you didn't expect, the supermarket. Almost it doesn't catch your attention but then you have a closer look. It's a magazine you see, and take from the rack. It's a flashy one with big letters and attention grabbing headlines and the word EXCLUSIVO in red. What grabs your attention is the photo of Thomas, and his ex, the photo photoshopped to seem torn apart and the exclusive interview the cover teases. Her name printed beneath another picture of her and the Polyamouros affair with his bandmate - what else did she have to go through? headline makes your head spin. You buy it and hurry to get home.

Your head spins even more, when you read it.

We already sent invitations for our wedding.

He broke up with me on my birthday.

He kicked me out of our shared house, without letting me get my stuff, in the middle of the night.

Before me, he had an affair with Ethan and some random girl. They both f*cked her, he tried to keep it a secret. This probably explains why he's incapable of real intimacy, one just isn't enough for him. I'm still wondering if he cheated on me during our time together, they were on tour, maybe they just fucked random groupies.

Maybe that's why we didn't have sex.

You can't believe that she got two double pages and you can't believe that she's talking about Thomas. Your Thomas. Maybe you don't want to believe it.

The next days the story is all over the place. Your friends who knew, blowing up your phone. Even Victoria reaches out to you.

Thomas keeps silent, the only thing which is said, that the statements do not reflect true events, is coming from their publicist. You can see him getting shit, see the hateful comments.

I cried in the shower. fuck.

That's what Thomas writes one night later.

I didn't do anything of this. I should have stayed with her, she said she would make me regret it.

You want to hug him, you want to tell him that everything will be okay. You don't, the moment just passes.

Ethan posts something close to a statement in his stories, which Thomas reposts.

The only thing, I want to say is this: All 3 people have consented to this form of relationship, no one cheated. It was a relationship with a person we adore and not some "random girl", it was full of love from all sides. Don't judge.

And then the narrative changes.

Their wedding planner speaking up, that no invitations where sent: "They didn't even have a date? Do you send invitations to your wedding without a date?"

Her birthday is in March - they broke up in November.

"I saw her throwing a cup at him after a party, because he ruined her party at his house, he paid rent for. He didn't say a peep."

"She left, he didn't kick her out. This is what she wrote me after they ended their relationship."

And then the story dies, another attention grabbing story coming along.

.#####.

It's over and done with, he tells himself when he's laying down to get his new tattoo on his birthday. Vic got him to go to therapy, after she saw the story with the cup and asked if it's true. He was hesistant, but he has to admit, she was right, it's better. Sometimes, like now, he is afraid it isn't over, that she'll make him regret it, somehow.

Then the needle starts and there's only the feeling of getting tattooed. Just blissful pain.

"You have to show," Vic says at the next band practice and then she already pulls down his loose joggers, "Come on! I already couldn't really admire that tattoo over your ass when you got it."

"Vic!" He pulls his joggers up again while Ethan and Damiano giggle. "It's on my back, not my ass."

She puts her hand on his back, just over the waistband of his joggers, directly over his ass: "I said, over your ass, not on your ass and now show me that new tattoo."

Thomas starts pulling his joggers down again before Damiano opens his mouth, "Please don't show us your dick."

"What is wrong with all of you. It's not on my dick, just on my pelvis, really upper thigh."

"Next to it," she laughs and then she has a closer look, "Interesting."

It's a small colosseum, around it a snake that carries a little star.

.#####.

It's early May and it starts slowly. The comments in his direction getting more, as Damiano starts getting more and more frustrated. Their newest album not getting the best reviews or the good attention they hoped for, it's their fifth, it shouldn't matter, they are working on the sixth. The hype died down, it's normal, Ethan tells him, it's okay. And Vic telling him to concentrate less on numbers again.

"You have been a mess since the day I met you." Damiano says one day.

It's dead silent in the room. Vic shakes his head at him.

"What?" Thomas' voice is small.

"You are a mess. Ethan even had to get the press to not publish the name of your ex because your other one is crazy."

"Dami, stop." Ethan says, he bites his lips.

"What?"

"They asked for a statement from me and they mentioned her name," Ethan sighs, "I paid them to not mention it. It's okay, I didn't want you to worry about it again."

The nail in the coffin follows two weeks later. It escalates one day. They are sitting in the practice room again, nothing wants to work, no riff, no lyrics, nothing. Damiano lashes out at all three of them and Thomas smokes more than he plays guitar. During his next smoking break, he feels for a folded sheet of paper in his pocket. They should try it, he thinks, it could work better than everything they have. He has a riff in his head for it, he has an idea for on intro, he has the lyrics written down - maybe Damiano can tweak them.

"This is childish," Damiano says after only reading the first line.

"'kay. When you think, I'm childish, I'll leave." Thomas looks at the paper in Damiano's hand. "You're hurting me. I'm not going through this again."

"Thomas, come on. We just need something better tha-"

"I'll get my stuff later."

Ethan takes the paper out of Damiano's hand: "Oh, Thom!"

But Thomas is already out of the door.

"What?"

"It's a fairytale I made up for him. It's about a little star that wants to be a shooting star but shooting stars aren't real stars, the little star isn't meant or even built to be one. The story is about the little star which tries to be something else without realising that people love it for what it is. The little star is unhappy, it wants to be a star that others wish upon, bring them luck but shooting stars are meteors burning, just surviving for us to see before they burn up and hit the ground, they die, Damiano." Ethan gives the paper back to him, "And stars are beatiful nonetheless. I thought he didn't understand."

"And now?" Vic asks carefully.

"He'll be here tomorrow."

But Thomas isn't there the next day. His guitars - gone, his pedals - gone, his equipment - gone, his hoodie he left behind the day before - gone.

"And now?" Vic asks again, sitting on the floor where Thomas usually would sit.

"I'm not doing this without Thomas. You have been a real dickhead to him the past weeks, he had every right to leave. Why did you have to be so condescending to him?"

And then Ethan leaves.

"I … This only started because of Thomas, he started this with me. We had that silly little dream together to become rockstars. It only worked because of Thomas. Then it should also end with him. I'm sorry, I … can't do this without him, I don't want to."

And then Vic is gone as well.

Only Damiano stays behind, the piece of paper in his hands.

Saggezza delle stelle

.#####.

I broke up the band. Can I do anything right?

The news say they are taking a break, you saw it. But you believe him when he writes that they broke up as a band. You believe it even more, when Ethan reaches out to you. He isn't saying much, he's only asking you to reach out to Thomas, that he thinks he isn't feeling well. You're on the way to your first date in a while when you get the text. You don't answer - you don't write Thomas when Pedro the guy you saw for lunch is asking you for a second date.

.#####.

Thomas opens a bar, it's late summer. He thought about it, what to do with his life now and decided he wants a break from music. He doesn't want to write music for money - he wants to enjoy it, wants to love playing guitar just for the love of playing. He doesn't think that anyone would care anyways and then he started thinking, ended up with a tapas bar. It should be small, full of people and laughter. The opening is a party, he's happy.

Ethan is there, next to him behind the bar. Someone is missing, but Thomas is too chicken to reach out to Vic - he still has the feeling he ruined part of her life. Ethan told him, that she tries to cope, that it's hard but that they all will find their way. Thomas misses her, he misses their dinner dates and their silly rituals.

"To something new!" His mum cheers to him and he cheers back.

Do you think people who are hurt can be happy?

.#####.

"Thomas, are you okay?"

It's a simple question, or at least should be one. He only came to the bar tonight to meet his date. Now he isn't answering, just stares past his barkeeper, into the tiny room of the bar full of guests. There's only static noise in his brain. And then he bolts for the backdoor, just runs. He runs until his lungs give out, stands with his back to the wall in a small alley, and lets himself sink down.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

Tears are stinging in his eyes. He really thought this would be over, he can't even remember how long it his been since that one rainy, gloomy day one past November. Or how long it has been since that one day in May. How long it has been since the last band practice. Or when he saw Vic or Ethan the last time. Or how long it's been since he came back from Los Angeles, with an engagement ring in his pocket that he threw into the river. Sinking down, just like one of his other dreams. He can't tell how long it's been, but he still remembers that voice.

"Fuck!"

He balls his hands into fists, slams them against the hard stone wall behind him. And he doesn't stop, he sniffs. He only stops when there's blood dripping drown his hands. Drips down from his knuckles onto the silver of his ouroborous ring, he gets blood into his blond hair somehow and winces when his knuckles slam against the wall another time.

"Fuck, please."

He pulls the hood of his hoodie over his head, into his face. No need for anyone seeing him like this, maybe even someone who still knows who he is. He searches for cigarettes, winces again when his opened skin comes in contact with the fabric of his jeans, but there are no cigarettes. He must have lost them, like he lost the last bit of his dignity. He thinks and laughs bitterly before he curls into himself. Somehow he manages to get his phone.

"Thomas?"

"Can you pick me up, please?"

"Sure? From the bar? Was your date this terrible?"

Thomas swallows, he never even saw his date. He stepped in and out of his bar in the timespan of two minutes.

"I'm not." He winces again. "Just pick me up, please. Ethan, please."

.######.

"Are you okay?"

It's another date, in a small tapas bar that is bustling, loud and full of people. With Pedro, the first person in a while you think that it could work with.

"Hmmm sure," but you're distracted. Distracted by a conversation that goes on behind you.

"Thomas, are you okay?"

When you turn, you can see someone in a hurry. Blond hair, tall. You shake your head, you must have imagined.

The evening goes on, you drink one of the best glasses of white wine you had in while. Talk, have fun, you laugh. This will work out, you tell yourself, how so often with him.

"Hi!? I'm here for Thomas, is he here somewhere?"

You wan't to ignore it again but the next sentence punches you in your gut.

"No, sorry. I don't think so. Salvatore, did you see Raggi come back?"

And the next one slaps you square in your face.

"No. We all just saw him bolt out of the backdoor like a mad man earlier but he didn't come back. Can you imagine dude owns this place."

"Are you sure, you are okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."

Blast from the past, you would say. You try not to suffocate yourself on your food.

"No, I'm fine," you hurry to reassure him, "But we could go home after we finish the wine."

He smiles at you.

Later, much later, your phone buzzes on your nightstand. You want to put it back again before you see the Instagram notification and without better judgement, you open the app and the direct message.

There's a kiss on your shoulder.

I miss you. Why do I still fucking miss you?

.#####.

"I'm useless." Thomas says a month later, when it happens again. Him running away when he sees you. "Vivi was right, I'm useless and not worth anyone's time."

"Thomas," Ethan brushes through his messy hair, "Please don't believe that, you're worth people's time. Certaintly my time, you aren't useless."

.#####.

"How is Tho?" Vic is asking him, nipping on her hot chocolate. It's getting colder outside again.

"Better, I think." Ethan tells her. "I think the bar is good for him, he loves having people around. He loves seeing people happy. I think it's the right thing for him, he's thinking about producing his own wine, he's experimenting with some grapes right now."

Vic hums, looking a little sad: "And how are you?"

"Fucking around."

"Literally?" Vic laughs.

"I fucked up a little?" He laughs as well. "I'm seeing this one girl, I really like her but I'm also seeing this other girl. I like her as well, but I'm not really interested in either of them? I know, it's weird and … well, I kind of forgot to tell them about each other?"

"Come on, you should know how this works." She still laughs before she gets serious again. "I'm glad you're still hanging on to Thomas, despite everything, he deserves someone like you."

When Ethan is driving her back home, Damiano's solo single plays on the radio. They both look at each other and Victoria changes the station.

.#####.

You are sitting on your couch, cuddled up. You're home, Pedro next to you.

"Are we together?" He smiles at you.

"Yes."

.#####.

"I want to show you something."

Thomas is excited, Ethan can tell and see, Thomas is skipping in front of him, but when they stand in front of the building, Ethan is confused.

"That's the house you throw me into the pool because I fucked your crush?"

"It's also the house she kissed me in the first time." Thomas smiles. "And it was on sale. It's a nice house, I wanted it."

Ethan shakes his head but he still smiles when he sees Thomas being happier than before.

.#####.

One Year Ago

You're happy, you really are. Rome feels like home again, you're in a loving relationship, your job finally not draining all energy out of you. Everything feels right again.

Sometimes when you're taking Thomas' umbrella with the dots on it, you're thinking about him. It outlasted him - still in your possesions. Sometimes there are evenings when Thomas writes to you, when he's on your mind. Sometimes Pedro asks if you want to answer him, he would understand, but you always shake your head. It still hurts.

.#####.

"Vic, people are looking already."

She's clinging to Thomas' body, arms around his neck and he has to hold her up when she wraps her legs around his thighs.

"I don't care. I haven't seen you in a year, you asshole."

It's true, it's over a year since they have seen each other last. He dreaded it when Vic reached out to him a few days ago but holding her, it already feels like no time passed. They are in his bar, he feels comfortable here. They can sit down, he can offer Vic some food, test his wine on her.

"I almost died a few days ago."

Thomas blinks at her.

"I went to a party, I got a little bit drunk." She smiles sheepishly. "A bit too drunk, I fell into the pool and I swear I almost drowned. I just didn't know how to get up? It was the weirdest feeling."

"How did you get up?" Thomas asks. He feels worse than he felt at the beginning of their conversation. He should have been there, get her out of there. Whatever happened at parties, they always saved each other since they were teenagers. He wasn't there when she would have needed him.

"Ethan was there with some guy and the dude jumped after me into the pool?" She plays with her white wine glass, lets the wine swirl. "He fished me out of the pool."

"I'm glad they were there with you."

"He looked a lot like you," she looks at him and sighs. "I thought it was you and then I thought I'm seeing god and I'll just die. How funny would that have been? I'm gonna die and god is just you judging me."

He laughs with her, he hugs her.

"Less parties for me now. I thought, I could go back to music. Maybe go into producing some stuff? I want to have my own label, encourage more girls going into rock music. I think, I would enjoy that." She pauses, takes another sip of her wine. "I wanted to ask if you would join in? Help me with starting it?"

"I can help a little bit here and there if you want me there," he says, "but don't get me wrong, I won't join. I have the bar, I'm really happy here and I have this project with a charity which advocates about abusive relationships. You could ask Ethan, he would love to do it, I think."

"But I can leave you the option to join in and own the label with us together when you're ready for music again?"

"Sure!" He gives her a pinky promise. "I'm sorry, Vic. I'm sorry that I fucked everything up."

.#####.

"Did you ever think about having a thing with two other people at the same time afterwards?" Thomas asks.

"With you?"

"Does it matter?" Thomas turns, pulls the blanket up to the tip of his nose.

"It does." Ethan sighs. "Yes, I actually had and I did think about it. But not with you."

"Oh."

"You need someone who loves you unconditionally. I do love you, but not like you need." Ethan sighs again. "It just worked because she loved you. She always wanted you. I don't think it would work any other way, with any other person."

"She didn't."

"What?"

"Love me!"

He curls up under the blanket.

"Maso," Ethan sits down next to him - brushes his fingers through his hair, "You're an idiot."

"Can you stay please."

"Yes, for tonight."

Ethan is gone the next morning, before Thomas even opens his eyes. Victoria tells him about work, the meetings they have together, and he is helping out but he isn't seeing Ethan again. He doesn't know what happened exactly, he just knows he doesn't want to be a piece of charity work. He also knows he's doing him wrong.

.#####.

This Year

You're in the supermarket to get a good bottle of wine. It's your anniversary, and you decided to have dinner on your balcony. You grab the bottle of white wine that springs to your eyes when you have a look around. Until now you just like the label, it's local, from the Lazio region. Before you put the bottle in your basket, you see the label on the back. There's a small picturous photo of a vineyard but next to it is another photo, one of Thomas smiling into the camera.

The bottle glides out of your hands, to the supermarket floor and shatters into pieces. People are looking at you while you try to hold your tears back. You're going back home without a bottle of wine, Pedro in the kitchen.

"I want to break up."

.#####.

Unknown number.

It's the fifth time today the number is calling him. He's laying in the sun and finally picks up. The phone almost drops to the ground when he hears Damiano's voice. He almost hangs up on him without saying anything.

But Damiano is faster: "I'm sorry, Tho. I was an asshole. You don't have to forgive me, I just wanted to apologise."

Thomas is silent first, he's in a better place than he was two years ago or even one, he realises. This would have gone differently then, he knows.

"I do," he says, "forgive you."

.#####.

You don't regret going to the party your friend dragged you to. You don't regret ending up in Thomas' bed. You don't regret the desperate sex, Thomas on top of and Ethan next to you. There's absolutely no regret when Thomas cuddles closer to you and you all stand in his kitchen the next morning.

You don't regret when you say, that you love him.

.#####.

Nothing changed when they all walk into their old rehearsal room.

"How did we get it back?" Vic asks.

"I paid the rent," Thomas says and ignores the looks the others give him.

It takes a while until they get around with each other again, but it works. They have new ideas. Sometimes they don't know how to act, what can be said or is too much but in the end, all of them are happy to be there. Back together.

"I thought we could try something," Damiano says. He pulls a piece of paper out of the pocket of his jeans, it looks more ragged now, after all the folding and unfolding it went through. He looks at Thomas. "If you want to."

.#####.

Thomas comes back with Ethan in tow. You're reading a book that you suspect to be Ethan's on Thomas' sofa.

"You're still here?" Thomas looks at you surprised.

"Yes." You swallow. "Did you want me to le-"

"NO!" He's fast to interrupt you and then sinks down next to you on the sofa. "I want you to stay. I want both of you to stay."

You kiss him on the nose and Ethan sits down on your side.

When you're all cuddled up together, you can see a tattoo flash when Thomas' waistband slides down his hips slightly.

"I didn't see this last night." You look at it interested and then tilt your head to look at his face. "Is there a meaning behind this?"

"I'm the snake, the little star is also me, I guess, but it's a story Ethan made up for me. And the colosseum, I missed Rome but … I fell in love you that day we met in front of it and went sightseeing together."

You cuddle up together, watch a film together, and Thomas takes some selfies of you all together. Him cuddled up against you, your head resting on his shoulders and Ethan next to you, his arm around the both of you.

He sends the pic to Vic.

Look who's back together? Just an idiot with his bandmate and some girl.

.#####.

END

All my friends told me you'd break my heart

Taglist:

Warnings: Mentions of an abusive relationship, some smut, angst and the big sad but with a happy end

Other: Thanks to the anon and Alba @maneskings who wanted this story <3

I wanted to make Vivi likeable in the beginning and there's a version where she is but it didn't work as well. There had to be the contrast between everything going wrong for him and seemingly everything going right on the outside and seemingly everything going right for Reader but in reality it doesn't.

And I wanted to make clear that obviously this is fiction and not reality. This is as it said everything going wrong.

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